Burns Night Poem - by Rosemary Tomison
Oor tale begins at one of the Dart yacht clubs
Where lads and lassies both pay their subs
It happens upon a bonnie day in June
And Boys in Boats is about ta start soon
Oor twa sailors Rob n Bert are last aff tae sea
Their hearts are sae happy and sae fu’ of glee
Ah, but Jeannie has arrived though tis but a shame
Its nae ladies Afloat day an she may hay tae gae hame
So whit are her options, there canna be many
Tae be totally honest they’re really aren’t any?
But lads and lassies are equal of late
Could she ask the twa sailors or is that tempting fate
Jeannie takes a step forward with oh so much courage
Thinking would they say “Aye” or merely discourage
“Its nae Ladies Afloat, but I have come a lang way
Please may I join you both for the day
Rob and Bert they looked aghast
Is gentlemen only a thing of the past?
She’ll talk tae much; she’ll be tae slow
Oh whit a terrible, terrible blow
Those dirty jokes we want tae tell
Oh never mind, whit the hell
So through gritted teeth they did say
‘We’ll tak ye for a trip rood the bay”
Noo Jeannie is a bonnie lass
Who many a lad had made a pass
And Rob and Bert on second glance
Thought they may be in we a chance
Nae langer was sailing the primary aim
They are now rivals in a different game
So tae his classic ketch Bert did reach
But wi Jeannie in mind he made his speech
Alas I only ha a bucket
Ye would have to wee an chuck it
Tae which Rob merely gave a snigger
“Now look at mine it’s much bigger”
Nay a classic but we comfy beds
And of course the necessary heads.
So Jeanie an Bert spring aboard Robs pride and joy
Wi Bert muttering his classic ketch is still the real Macoy
NOO departure ensued we much shouting an pontoon bashing J
Jeanie was say glad there was na a audience a laughing
So our mariners ventured oot in the river
wi Rob boasting re the size of his tiler
Ach away wi ye pipes up Bert you ken mine is a work o art
A thing of beauty na like this modern plastic upstart
Now Jeanie in her own right was a bit of an Ellen Macarthur
And had sailed many a nautical mile a single hander
But as mere crew she decided to hold her tongue
Until that was, the boom across the cockpit swung
Rob and Bert were aghast at this accidental gybe
There horror at the flawing mainsheet I canny describe
Though Is was Jeannie that gained control
And stopped the yachts death roll
Not Out in the bay there was a bit of a swell
And Rob and Bert started ta feel unwell
They were definitely a wee bit Peely Wally
Again Jeannie, to the rescue came
Taking the helm to get them all hame
So lets adjourn tae the club house
Where you dinna have tae gae very far
Tae find oor twa salties propping up the bar
There talk was of gales and waves oh so high
Tho’ Jeanies efforts they did imply
Wery no so bad
So as tae lasses, they were converted
Though they did feel a wee bit deserted
They had both tried tae win oor Jeannie’s heart
As she really is a work of art
And although their charm she did adore
Alas in future she will stay ashore.
Now tae all the lassies
Lets join Jean and raise our glasses
And in the words of our most famous bard
Tis really not very hard
Tae forget men’s foibles and remember that
A Man’s a Man for all that
We love them dearly - Rob, Bert and all the laddies