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Burns Night Poem - by Rosemary Tomison

Oor tale begins at one of the Dart yacht clubs

Where lads and lassies both pay their subs

It happens upon a bonnie day in June

And Boys in Boats is about ta start soon

Oor twa sailors Rob n Bert are last aff tae sea

Their hearts are sae happy and sae fu’ of glee

Ah, but Jeannie has arrived though tis but a shame

Its nae ladies Afloat day an she may hay tae gae hame

So whit are her options, there canna be many

Tae be totally honest they’re really aren’t any?

But lads and lassies are equal of late

Could she ask the twa sailors or is that tempting fate

Jeannie takes a step forward with oh so much courage

Thinking would they say “Aye” or merely discourage

“Its nae Ladies Afloat, but I have come a lang way

Please may I join you both for the day

Rob and Bert they looked aghast

Is gentlemen only a thing of the past?

She’ll talk tae much; she’ll be tae slow

Oh whit a terrible, terrible blow

Those dirty jokes we want tae tell

Oh never mind, whit the hell

So through gritted teeth they did say

‘We’ll tak ye for a trip rood the bay”

Noo Jeannie is a bonnie lass

Who many a lad had made a pass

And Rob and Bert on second glance

Thought they may be in we a chance

Nae langer was sailing the primary aim

They are now rivals in a different game

So tae his classic ketch Bert did reach

But wi Jeannie in mind he made his speech

Alas I only ha a bucket

Ye would have to wee an chuck it

Tae which Rob merely gave a snigger

“Now look at mine it’s much bigger”

Nay a classic but we comfy beds

And of course the necessary heads.

So Jeanie an Bert spring aboard Robs pride and joy

Wi Bert muttering his classic ketch is still the real Macoy

NOO departure ensued we much shouting an pontoon bashing J

Jeanie was say glad there was na a audience a laughing

So our mariners ventured oot in the river

wi Rob boasting re the size of his tiler

Ach away wi ye pipes up Bert you ken mine is a work o art

A thing of beauty na like this modern plastic upstart

Now Jeanie in her own right was a bit of an Ellen Macarthur

And had sailed many a nautical mile a single hander

But as mere crew she decided to hold her tongue

Until that was, the boom across the cockpit swung

Rob and Bert were aghast at this accidental gybe

There horror at the flawing mainsheet I canny describe

Though Is was Jeannie that gained control

And stopped the yachts death roll

Not Out in the bay there was a bit of a swell

And Rob and Bert started ta feel unwell

They were definitely a wee bit Peely Wally

Again Jeannie, to the rescue came

Taking the helm to get them all hame

So lets adjourn tae the club house

Where you dinna have tae gae very far

Tae find oor twa salties propping up the bar

There talk was of gales and waves oh so high

Tho’ Jeanies efforts they did imply

Wery no so bad

So as tae lasses, they were converted

Though they did feel a wee bit deserted

They had both tried tae win oor Jeannie’s heart

As she really is a work of art

And although their charm she did adore

Alas in future she will stay ashore.

Now tae all the lassies

Lets join Jean and raise our glasses

And in the words of our most famous bard

Tis really not very hard

Tae forget men’s foibles and remember that

A Man’s a Man for all that

We love them dearly - Rob, Bert and all the laddies

The Twa Sailors


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